Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Ultimate Irony: Victim of My Own Creation

My 20-month old is wide awake, at 4 a.m - and so am I. He started at 2, with a thirst for something, and then went on to complain at a high pitched decibel about his wet diaper an hour later. My head returns to my pillow, but the possibility of returning to sleep eludes me once again - I am jolted back to hear how mad he is that he can't play with his feet in the footie pajamas I insisted on putting on him in the current Chicago-style 8- degree weather.

The typical wake-ups have me lying there in my usual state of perpetual perfectionist worrying. The subject tonight: my new adventures at project , and the fact that I am doing exactly the opposite of what my advice has been: Stay Focused, Remain on Task - and remember what's really important, spending time with your family.

To my chagrin, I find myself lost in a tangent nightmare as I try and learn how to get my brain around what seemed in my head as a simple task - "starting up my new website". In less than a month, there have been hosting roadblocks, inexplicable bugs in my software, hours of help-desks and tech support calls, and learning that I have to set up 3 or 4 other remote sites just to get traffic to the first one, and all of the learning curve that comes with each territory I stumble upon. This was supposed to be a part-time gig, based on hobbies.

As I tossed and turned, I began thinking of all the things that have been pushed aside the last few days as I tried to get my head above water at the site:

1. My three-year old tugging at my sleeve "Mama, I want to play trucks with you".
Me: "I'm sorry, honey, Mama's working, I have to finish this. I'll play trucks with you afterward." 10 minutes later: (repeat)

You can probably guess what happened: afterward never came, and then it was time to make dinner.

2. Dinner. Posted the new recipe of the day on the site. If you've not been there, one of my commitments to my audience is that I intend to be doing the steps with them, including getting dinner on the table quickly, with a good recipe. Except yesterday, I didn't have any mushrooms, and it was a crucial ingredient. I resolved that as "soon as I was done working" I would pack up the kids and we would head off to the store in plenty of time to make dinner before my husband got home.

Except, instead, this is what happened: hours on the computer attempting to install something crucial for the site to be effective. 4:30 pm came, dinner's at 5:30 - has to be on time because DH has band practice. No way to make it to the store and back and still have time to cook the recipe. Frozen ready-made pasta and a jar of Barilla sauce magically appeared on the stovetop. My husband came home and inquired about my day, and after barking at him for a few minutes about all the problems I had run into, with a deep furrow in my brow - he said, "you need to get some sleep".

3. The house is a mess. And I don't mean the usual papers on the table, clean clothes still not put away - I mean, cobwebs on the light fixtures and two week's worth of who-knows-what sticking to the microwave wall. The bed hasn't been made in days, and the sheets and towels need changing. I've been so buried in cyberspace, I've neglected my own space.

The conclusion of this rant at 5:42 a.m -
Its the ultimate irony. I've created another monster to obsess about in my perfectionism - which is what brought me to starting the site in the first place. And so, dear reader - while I love you all, I might not be back until Thursday, because I need to get back to WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. Time with my kids, Dinner with my Family, A Tidy Home and a Good Night's Sleep!

See you at

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